A Heartfelt Thank You

On Saturday 21st June, the ExBoys UK Association hosted a deeply enriching and impactful Mental Health Seminar, tackling a subject that is often overlooked yet crucial to our everyday lives: mental health and emotional wellbeing. We are grateful to all who participated, shared, and engaged with such authenticity and openness.

Our seminar explored not only the stigma around mental health, particularly among African men, but also offered practical tools, expert insights, and personal stories that made the session powerful and memorable.

 Meet the Panellists

We were honoured to have a distinguished panel who brought their expertise and lived experience:

• Nicola Tenyue, Cognitive Behavioural Therapist and CEO of The Self-Esteem Clinic
• Dr. Sosunmolu Shoyinka, US-based Psychiatrist and Author
• Emmanuel Anidi, Welfare Officer and Mental Health Advocate
• Dr. Patrick Okolo , Consultant Engineer and Lecturer
• Moderator: Dr. Teslim Bukoye, Associate Professor, University of Bath

Key Takeaways from the Seminar

1. Healing Begins with Honesty

Emmanuel shared his journey through grief-induced depression after the loss of his sister. Despite being high-functioning—juggling full-time work and study—he experienced a breakdown that left him unable to engage with life. Through therapy and self-discovery, he began healing.

His story reminded us that mental health challenges do not discriminate based on intelligence, achievement, or resilience. His courage in sharing encouraged others to seek support without shame.

“There is a before and after depression in my life. But it gave me tools, empathy, and a voice I never knew I had.”

2. Mental Health is Daily Maintenance

Nicola reframed the conversation entirely: mental health is not a crisis state—it’s a daily relationship with oneself. She highlighted the power of language, shifting from “mental health” to “emotional wellbeing” to reduce stigma.

She challenged attendees to:

• Learn how the mind works (since schools often don’t teach us).
• Recognise that emotional suppression starts in childhood and accumulates over time.
• Understand that strength lies in self-awareness, not emotional avoidance.

“We brush our teeth daily—not because they’re bad, but to keep them well. Why should our emotional wellbeing be different?”

3. Resilience Can Be Learnt

Dr. Shoyinka, a triple board-certified psychiatrist, explained that emotional resilience is not fixed—it’s learnable. Drawing on his Nigerian military school background, he explored how:

• Cultural conditioning teaches men to suppress emotion.
• Mental health struggles often manifest in men as aggression, substance use, or withdrawal.
• Stigma remains the greatest barrier: people rally around cancer patients but distance themselves from those facing depression or anxiety.

“Emotional resilience is like engineering: you calculate the load and build strength into the system. Human beings can learn the same.”

4. Common Triggers and Daily Stressors

The discussion touched on specific challenges faced by African men in the diaspora:

• Job loss and financial strain
• Family expectations and long-distance responsibilities
• Relationship tensions and feelings of failure
• Aging parents and generational disconnect
• Culture shock, racism, and identity struggles

These weren’t just discussed in theory—panelists linked them to real behaviours like road rage, burnout, emotional shutdown, and outbursts. Nicola noted how simple feelings of “not being enough”, when ignored, compound into depression, anxiety, or destructive habits.

Tools and Strategies Shared

1. The 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Method

A quick, effective way to manage emotional overwhelm:

• 5 things you can see
• 4 things you can hear
• 3 things you can feel
• 2 things you can smell
• 1 thing you can taste

2. Reframing Thoughts

Pause. Step back. Ask: “What do I really want from this situation?”
Shouting may feel quicker—but is it effective? Is it healthy?

3. Self-Awareness Practice

Reflect on your upbringing and default coping patterns. Are they helping or hurting you today?

4. Simple Yet Powerful Habits

• Rest and sleep
• Daily gratitude
• Emotional journaling
• Physical exercise
• Nature walks
• Talking to someone—even for 20 minutes

“You are striving for progress, not perfection.” — Nicola

Resources Shared

1. Book by Dr. Sosunmolu Shoyinka

Understanding Mental Health:  A guide for Faith Communities
🛒 Get your copy on Amazon

2. Materials from Nicola Tenyue

A selection of tools, daily wellness prompts, and her Self-Esteem Builder Calendar.

• 30 Day self esteem builder calendar
• Self esteem builder for black women
• Unhelpful Thinking Habits
• 5 Area Model CBT

3. Watch the Seminar Replay

Couldn’t join live or want to revisit it?

▶️ Click here to watch the full Zoom recording
Passcode: @?LVPY25

Special Thanks

This event wouldn’t have been possible without the dedication of our organising committee, moderator Dr. Teslim Bukoye, and the generous vulnerability of our panellists. You created a safe space for critical conversations and inspired a movement towards everyday healing.

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Final Words

Let’s normalise emotional check-ins just like we do MOTs for our cars.
Let’s honour honesty over heroism.
Let’s prioritise connection over suppression.

Together, we can challenge the stigma, build resilience, and model healthy emotional wellbeing for the next generation.

The ExBoys UK Association
#MentalHealthMatters #EmotionalWellbeing #BreakTheSilence #ExboysSupport